2 Months, 17 Weeks and 4 Months

Yesterday marked two months until my due date, May 9th. I'm really dreading that day. It's also Mother's Day, and was supposed to be our first mothers day where I was going to be getting to celebrate with my little family, unlike the last couple years. But instead I'm hoping that day never comes. Unfortunately it keeps getting closer and closer and in doing that makes it farther away from when  I was pregnant with Zephaniah. Today marks 17 weeks. I remember that day so clearly and the days leading up to it. Tomorrow it will be officially 4 months since we lost him. All these days and dates make it so much harder. I don't intentionally remember them either. Yesterday I didn't think about the date until I read about it somewhere else, of another mom grieving the loss of her child and realized I would have been meeting my own child in two months. And every Wednesday I know how many weeks its been and how far along I would be now, 31 weeks and 2 days.  I don't even really need to think about it,  I just seem to be counting the time subconsciously. I really hate this...