I'm still that Girl

you know, the one I was before we had Jotham. Who hated hearing about other people's pregnancies and pretended to be happy for them. I wasn't always pretending, but every time I heard of someone else getting pregnant it still hurt. And it does again. I wish it didn't. It was so nice to be fully happy for others. But once again, it hurts. Hearing that someone else gets to feel their baby move inside them, that they got to hear their babies heartbeat or see them moving on an ultrasound. And it never fails when hanging out with other women that they are going to talk about their children or pregnancies. It was always so hard even with my best friends, no one really thinks about how hard it is to hear other people talk about it when it's the one thing you want and can't have. And I don't wish that they did understand, I wouldn't want anyone else to have to deal with this pain, this heartache.