Pieces of Me

Zeph,
There's so much I want to say to you.
I wish so much that you were with us.
Rejoicing that you're getting a baby sister.
She's already lived longer than you did.
I wish you could have stayed too.
So many moments I missed having with you.
Moments I'll keep missing for the rest of my life.
I hate being told how perfect our family will be having "one of each."
I don't have one of each.
I have two little boys and one baby girl.
Our family will never be complete on earth.
I know that you are in a much better place.
Held in the arms of Jesus.
I still long to hold you in my arms.
To feel your arms wrapped tight around my neck.
I want to kiss your checks.
Wipe away your tears.
See you playing with Jotham.
Both of you wrestling with Daddy.
I wish Jotham didn't worry that this baby might die too.
That you could share in his delight feeling her move.
I think of you every day.
Of how different it would be if you were here.
I would love to have it different.
Have you here, sharing a room with Jotham.
Getting to take care of two precious boys.
Being more tired and exhausted.
That would feel perfect.